


someday, some way, somehow

by Lauren (notalwaysweak)



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-08 13:10:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalwaysweak/pseuds/Lauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Howard and Bernadette have very strong opinions about the nature of Stuart and Raj's relationship. Namely, that it exists, and why haven't Raj and Stuart figured that out yet?</p>
            </blockquote>





	someday, some way, somehow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DracoAries](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DracoAries/gifts).



> TBBT characters belong to that guy I want to punch in the junk.
> 
> Betaed, or at least overseen, by queerlyobscure.
> 
> * * *

“Bernadette wants to know if you and I want to have dinner with her and Howard on Friday night.” Raj leans against the counter, phone in one hand.

Stuart bangs a roll of quarters on the counter. “Are you sure? That’s one of Sheldon’s gaming nights. He’ll kill you if you don’t show up.”

“Oh, he and Amy are double-dating with Leonard and Penny.”

Stuart snickers, sort of. “Actually _dating_?”

“Not in the sense that they’re leaving the apartment or anything, but yeah. I think Amy’s going to learn how to play Halo.”

“Even _I_ know that Wednesday night’s Halo night.”

Raj nods. “Penny insisted. She told me that if she could pick up a controller and kick Sheldon’s ass, Amy’s probably better.”

“I can’t afford anywhere expensive... like, anywhere more expensive than McDonald’s...”

This is familiar territory. “My treat, dude.”

“I’m gonna owe you my first-born child if you keep this up,” Stuart says. “In the increasingly unlikely event that I ever have children.”

“You’d make a beautiful mother,” Raj says as sincerely as possible, just to make Stuart roll his eyes and laugh. “I’ll pick you up at six, if you can close early.”

Stuart gestures at the mostly empty store. “Not a problem.”

“See you Friday?”

“Yeah, sure.”

* * *

Howard’s reading things off the menu in an outrageously bad Spanish accent. Bernadette orders frozen margaritas for everyone. Raj keeps looking sidelong at Stuart; he knows he feels like a third wheel with these two, and is just hoping that Stuart doesn’t consequently feel like a fourth wheel. But Bernadette in particular seems to be going out of her way to include Stuart in the conversation. They don’t have to avoid any food because Leonard and his intolerances aren’t there, so they pick a bunch of stuff that all four of them can share, and pass the plates around.

Then _the thing_ happens.

“I wonder how the others are getting along on _their_ double date,” Howard says, with an undeniable stress on the word _their_.

“Penny’s probably kicking everyone’s ass at Halo.” Raj licks the rim of his glass.

“It’s nice that everyone’s got someone they’re happy with,” Bernadette says. “Sheldon and Amy are happy in their way, Leonard and Penny are doing well--”

“At the moment,” Howard says, and then the look on his face telegraphs the fact that Bernadette has kicked his ankle.

She blithely continues, “--Howie and I are very happy, of course, and you two...” She lets the sentence trail off far, _far_ too meaningfully.

Raj looks at Stuart. Stuart’s looking at him with a facial expression reminiscent of a confused kitten.

“Um,” Raj says eloquently.

“We’re not,” Stuart says, just as eloquently.

Bernadette puts her fork neatly down on the side of her plate and leans forward. God help them, she looks like Sheldon when he’s made a breakthrough. “Oh, really? Are you sure?”

Before either of them can answer, Howard lifts a hand and starts ticking off points on his fingers. “You _lived_ together. You went out to dinner and movies together. You went to the freakin’ _Sound of Music_ together, which takes a lot of patience to sit through with Raj. You organized last Halloween together, to say nothing of that Valentine's Day thing where I was _sure_ one of you was going to crack and ask the other out. You have that weird fist bump thing going on where you don’t even have to _look_ at each other to know where your hands are gonna be.”

“Those are _friend_ things,” Raj says. “Come on, Howard, you and I used to do most of the same stuff.”

“And how many people thought we were a couple?”

“I would have noticed if I was dating someone,” Stuart says, apparently to his margarita.

“There’s nothing wrong with working up to a relationship slowly,” Bernadette says soothingly. “I can understand and empathize with the fear of disapproval.”

“There’s nothing to disapprove,” Raj says, maybe a little too loudly.

“I always thought the fist bump thing was more like Troy and Abed.” Stuart knocks back the rest of his drink in one gulp, his throat working hard against the burn of alcohol and ice.

“That and five seconds on Google will net you two dozen slash fics,” Howard says, and Bernadette kicks him again.

“Plus you brought Stuart as your date to Penny’s NCIS viewing.” Bernadette gives them a dangerously sweet smile.

“That was--”

“Did you tell _him_ it was a date?”

“I--”

“The point is,” Howard says, “neither of you denied it when Bernie mentioned it in the car.”

“ _And_ Stuart smiled when I said ‘keep dating the possum’.”

“How did you--” Stuart starts.

“Rear view mirror. Do you really think I wasn’t paying attention to your reactions?”

“You two  think you have this all worked out, don’t you?” Raj says.

They both raise an eyebrow in perfect, disturbing unison. “If we don’t,” Bernadette says, “then how about you explain to us exactly where Stuart slept when he was living with you?”

“Because,” Howard adds, “you have a one bedroom place, and when I came back from space, it _definitely_ didn’t look like either of you had been sleeping on the couch.”

Raj looks at Stuart again. Stuart’s looking down at the table, and pushes his chair back abruptly. “I, uh,” he says, and disappears in the direction of the bathroom.

“I hope you two are happy,” Raj says darkly, standing up. “If he climbs out of the window, I’m never talking to either of you again.”

Neither of them look particularly chastened.

* * *

The short hallway has three doors: two bathrooms with red engaged signs on the doors, and the janitor’s closet. Stuart’s pacing, hands in pockets, looking like he might just hide in the closet until the world goes away and leaves him alone.

“Did you set this up?” he asks as soon as Raj gets close enough.

“ _What_? No!”

Apparently he sounds stunned enough to be believable, because Stuart settles down a little. At least, he stops pacing and leans against the wall. “Sorry. I just thought -- they’re your friends and everything, and--”

“Dude, no. That would be the worst possible way to hit on someone.”

Stuart laughs bitterly. “I’ve heard worse.”

“I’ve _tried_ worse,” Raj concedes.

“Do you think they really think that we...”

“I think,” Raj says, “that whatever passes for Howard’s brain exploded when he was in space, and that Bernadette is a hopeless romantic.”

Stuart manages a smile. “It’s nice that she cares.”

“She’s a nice person. She just gets some weird ideas in her head.”

“That would explain her choice of husband.”

“I’m torn between telling you off for insulting my friend and agreeing completely with you, just so you know.”

One of the toilets flushes and the occupant exits. Stuart doesn’t move.

“I didn’t _think_ you really needed to go.”

“The only reason I didn’t walk out of the restaurant is because you’re my ride... and because I didn’t want them to think I was totally offended.”

“You weren’t offended?”

Stuart shifts his weight from foot to foot. He’s wearing the boots that Raj bought him, black Doc Martens that will outlast whatever punishment he puts them through by standing all day at work. “I was annoyed that they apparently have this whole conspiracy theory, and that they decided to spring it on us in public. But it’s _you_. You’re their friend more than I am, and if they thought I was totally repulsed by the idea of dating you, then I wouldn’t rate my chances of ever talking to them again. Or you, for that matter.”

“Why would I not talk to you just because they got the wrong idea?”

“Because I’m not part of your social group,” Stuart answers simply, looking at the faded red carpet, and Raj’s heart breaks a little. “I didn’t need Sheldon to point out that I was only ever a substitute while Howard was away.”

“That’s _not_ true. How many times do I have to say that you’re my friend before you’ll believe it?”

Stuart looks up at him, then, the hint of a smile twitching the corners of his mouth. “I don’t know, but probably fewer times than those two will have to tell us we’re dating before I’ll believe _that_.”

Raj bursts out laughing. “Come on.” He hooks his arm through Stuart’s. “We should go finish dinner. Maybe they’ve realized they should knock it off.”

* * *

Howard and Bernadette are somewhat less obnoxious for the rest of the meal, although neither of them seem moved to apologize. Raj orders dessert for himself and Stuart without thinking and sees Bernadette’s _I-told-you-so_ look. Then Stuart offers him a mouthful of chocolate mousse and Raj has sucked it off Stuart’s spoon and leant back, licking his lips, before even thinking about how it will look.

“Are you _sure_ \--” Howard starts.

This time Raj is the one who kicks him under the table.

They separate into couples -- _pairs_ \-- outside the restaurant, Bernadette hugging both of them before she leads Howard to the car.

Stuart’s quiet on the drive back to the store.

“Thinking?”

“Mmmm,” Stuart says, facing straight ahead but not really looking at anything in particular.

The store looks cold and lonely at night, all the lights off, the _closed_ sign in the window unwelcoming.

“Are you--”

Stuart indicates the second door next to the storefront. “I’m still living in the apartment. I _told_ you I was going to be fine.” Raj doesn’t think he’s imagining the note of sadness in Stuart’s voice.

“Cinnamon misses you.”

“So tell her I said hi and as soon as she saves up enough pocket money to buy her first comic, I’ll find her a nice _Archie_ to chew on.”

“She doesn’t get pocket money--”

“--because dogs don’t have pockets. I know.”

There’s so much memory hanging between them, so much that they’ve shared that he and Howard _haven’t_ , that Raj wants to shake Stuart and ask if he’s awake or asleep, ask how can he ever think that their friendship is quantifiable merely by its extent in terms of time.

Instead he just says, “Sleep well.”

“Sweet dreams,” Stuart replies, the same as every night when they were living together, except that then he turns to unlock the door to go home alone.

Raj bites his lip, thinks, _Bernadette’s going to be_ so _smug_ , and catches Stuart’s shoulder, turning him around.

“What--”

“I just--” Raj gives up on words and presses his lips to Stuart’s, soft and gentle, there and gone. He feels more than hears Stuart’s sharp intake of breath. “Sweet dreams.” Then he’s pulling away, hurrying to the car, holding his breath and listening, but afraid to look back.

He’s not exactly sure what he’s hoping to hear, but, “Raj, _wait_ ,” works.


End file.
